an open letter to Jason Lee

Dear Jason,

The Chipmunks? Really?

Sigh.

Look Jason, I’ve been right there with you for a while. Loved Brodie Bruce…to a disturbing degree, come to think of it, considering he was actually kind of a dick. Ditto Banky, a veritable Prince Charming compared to that tool Affleck’s Holden. Loved Skip Skipperton in the little known Mumford (love that Loren Dean as well)…kind of creepy but adorable. Also Puggy in Big Trouble (very odd character, and the hair was disturbing, but he had a good heart). You were the charming guy we were rooting for to get the girl in Kissing a Fool and Heartbreakers (allowing me to ignore the presence of David Schwimmer and Jennifer Love Hewitt respectively). Then you score a big break out role in Almost Famous and ultimately end up as the endlessly charming Earl Hickey. Fine work there, skater boy.

These things engendered a warm feeling and built you a solid base with me, even allowing me to overlook the following: You are a Scientologist.

But now I see you are involved in (nay, starring in) Alvin and the Chipmunks, yet another holiday nightmare that is being inflicted upon us. So much about this whole endeavor is just plain wrongheaded. To wit:

• The Chipmunks were annoying in the 60’s (I cannot change the station fast enough when I hear that Chipmunk Christmas song) and remain so to this day. Why bring that back? What is enjoyable about those super annoying high singing voices? I don’t get it.
• Do we really need another entry into the “frustrated parent figure dealing with mischievous rapscallion-like children” film genre. I know I’m supposed to find the little scamps charming, but I usually just want to smack them.
• I take the same stand I have taken with Scooby-doo, the Grinch, Garfield, and countless others: Cartoons do not need to be remade into live action movies.

Leaving aside all that, Jason, I had just hoped you were better than this. You are the star of a network TV show now, do you really need to do the Chipmunks? And while it is nice to see you all clean-shaven and minus that ubiquitous Burt Reynolds-esque Earl mustache, that’s not enough to get me to see this flick.

A paycheck is a paycheck I guess, and you do have an oddly named child to feed. I just hope little Pilot Inspektor appreciates it…

Yay Tommy

It seems to be the season for sports related posts. Tom Glavine was always my favorite Brave…he was just so dreamy. I still have a soft spot for him, even thought he’s a Met now and I no longer really follow the baseball. I was happy to hear he got his 300th win (and apparently he may be the last to do so)

mmmm…bagel

Here is how little it takes to make me happy.

On my way to work this morning, I stopped for a bagel. So, the problem I usually have with the people in the bagel service industry is this—uneven bagel halves. I believe that the bagel people slice so many bagels in a day, they don’t really pay that much attention anymore. Plus, it’s really early in the morning and no one really functions that well in the bright shiny new day. The bagel people are just alert enough to not slice off a digit with the big knife, but not so alert that they don’t leave me a bagel featuring one super fat side and one pathetically skinny side.

This is particularly problematic if like me, you plan to toast your bagel upon arrival at the office. When I place my mismatched bagel halves in the toaster, the skinny side gets extra crunchy and dark, while the fat side remains all bready and not so much with the toasty. Alas.

But not today. Today, not only was there a very cute new boy working behind the counter at the bagel shop, but he cheerfully presented me with a perfectly sliced, two-halves-of-equal-size, tasty whole wheat bagel.

Good morning to me.

cognitive dissonance

psychological conflict resulting from incongruous beliefs and attitudes held simultaneously

Like Hugh Laurie on House. I know he’s British. I’ve seen him in all those period dramas with the flouncy collars and tall hats. And I know he actually has a British accent. But now I see him every week on TV chattering away in a flawless USA-ian dialect. So, when I then see him interviewed or in a movie or something when his is using is actual, real accent…it just seems fake. But again, since I know it is in fact not fake, it causes the brain to sigh and need a stiff drink. Ditto Christian Bale as Batman. Of course, he muddled things up even more by insisting on doing press for the movie in his American accent from the movie. You know, cause he didn’t want to confuse the kids with Batman suddenly sounding all different. Don’t know about the kids, but he did confuse me. So, I have something I know to be true, but I’m looking right at something that completely contradicts that belief. Hence, the resulting…well, see above.

Older American Hugh, meet younger British Hugh…